~~THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY~~
01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
03. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..
09 . If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 . If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
03. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..
09 . If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 . If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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BIRTHDAY CLUB
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Blo, blo, blo. Marry Christmas.
The new Glass-Cylinder Mammography is really catching on.
I like them too.
Saw your Super-Cheeks, Supes.
That's why they call him Vienna Sausage.
That's not a dick--that's a retainer.
You don't want to know, girlie.
I live in the sister city Don't-Give-A-Shitsville. Population: everyone.
Two all-beef puffies?
WOW, Catt, love to see you here!
So you'll get a little Beard Burn, buddy. Should be worth it--unless there's more in there.
Ths is Goddam Entrapment. --Here, let me disentrap your suspender-trapped Numnums.
Which guy??
And she loves to guzzle your champagne.
Available in Small, Medium, Large, and Great.
November 2009 -- who gives a shit about either of them?
Ah, suck it up, Loser. He beat you out of the starting gate fair and square.
Adding fuel to the rumors that Chris Farley's death was faked while she underwent sexual reassignment.
Tonight--we dine--at the Y!!!!!!!
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