Monolingualism

[Turk]

November 11, 2007
Manchester, NH

If we are to promote the use of English as the "Official American Language" then, I would have to insist that a line declaring grammatically correct English (in conjunction with proper spelling and punctuation) be required of all patriotic Americans. Spelling and punctuation tests would determine social status (rather than, for example, material possessions, beauty and physical strength), and the degree of Americanism a citizen possesses. Our politicians could be elected by "Spelling Bee".

Let's be done with treasonous bilingualism. Americans are loud, violent, obnoxious and greedy monolinguists. This is our cultural standard; this is how the civilized world views us. Let us embrace the "dumbing down" of America.

Let's start with my region: Northern New England. We will start the Monolingual Revolution by removing the words "Bienvenue" from our highway signs along our borders with French/English speaking bilingual Quebec. This, of course, will be the preliminary to invasion of the bastard bilinguists lurking to the north.

Pronunciation. I would support a measure to standardize the American Accent. To be fair, let us start in my region, again. I suggest that Bostonians be forced to insert the pronounced "R" into their dialect. This would prevent their English from sounding so English, and make it sound more American. We would, thus, promote the purity of our English over foreign, and alien, English English.

I would support force as a means of maintaining the purity of American English. Improper use of the semi colon should be felonious. Misspelling three times in California will net you a life sentence without the possibility of parole.

[redstella]

I favor the death penalty for misusing an apostrophe, which would double as an effective population control.

[okhela]

I believe you're on to something.